So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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