and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
