I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She is in my trunk
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
