You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
