:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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