It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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