ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
