I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
