I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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