If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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