I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
