Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
