I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
