I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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