I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
