After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
