I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Randomize
