I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize