Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
