I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
