The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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