i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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