Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
