Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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