Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
