what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
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