i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
