dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize