just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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