What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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