I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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