think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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