so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
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