Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
