Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
