is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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