It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
