They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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