I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
