I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
