After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
