i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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