R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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