I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
