i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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