i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
