hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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