Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
