Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
