Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
