If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
