I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
