he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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