my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
