I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
