um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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