Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Less talking, more tequila
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
