yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
