Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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