where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
