i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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