I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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