There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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