no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
